


Distance

by TiredPistachio



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post Season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredPistachio/pseuds/TiredPistachio
Summary: A loosely connected fluff/angst series.  Mike and El struggle during their time apart.1 - El returns to Hawkins for a relaxing 2 weeks at the start of summer break 19862 - Mike struggles to write the perfect letter to Eleven'3 - Mike's anxieties and fears4 - El's first few days in Illinois5 - Mike and Max have a heart to heart.
Relationships: Dustin Henderson & Mike Wheeler, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers & Eleven | Jane Hopper
Comments: 14
Kudos: 43





	1. Return to Hawkins

The day had finally arrived. June 7th, 1986, the best day of the year. School was out for everyone and El was finally returning to Hawkins. She was going to be spending two weeks. _TWO WEEKS_ with Mike and their friends. No responsibilities, just 14 lazy hot summer days. And then starting June 29th, Mike was going to be spending the rest of the summer with the Byers. Will had somehow managed to line up part time work for the three of them.

El had begged Mrs Byers to leave first thing in the morning and since Will was almost as excited to see his friends as El was, Mrs Byers had relented. The pair had risen at sun-up, 5:15 in Illinois, but 6:15 back home. They’d packed everything the night before, and El had insisted on showering before bed and then sleeping in her clothes so that she’d be ready to leave immediately. Mrs. Byers insisted on everyone eating a real breakfast, but WIll and El had negotiated her down to a bowl of cereal. They were on the road by 6 AM, and arrived at the Wheelers at 10.

Mike, Lucas and Dustin were sitting in folding chairs in the front yard with a large “Welcome Home” banner. Max had to visit her father in California after school had ended but would be back for El’s second week in Hawkins.

El barely let the car come to a complete stop before she launched herself out of the backseat. She threw herself at Mike. _Has he grown again?_ The first time she jumped into his arms like this, all those months ago in late November, Mike wasn’t ready and they’d collapsed into a heap of giggles. This time Mike was ready and had braced himself. Her arms wrapped around his neck, head buried in his chest. Mike wrapped his arms around her lower back and lifted her so her feet dangled a few inches off the ground. She knew all the boys were rolling their eyes and would probably tease them later, but she didn’t care.

“Welcome back,” Mike whispered in her ear. The words almost caused her heart to skip a beat.

“Back? No ... home,” El responded just loud enough for Mike to hear her.

“Ok ok, enough already,” said Lucas.

El pulled herself away from the embrace, took Mike’s right hand in her left and looked back towards the car.

Will had already walked up. “I hope you don’t expect the same level of excitement from me,” he said to Lucas and Dustin. They chuckled and immediately brought him into a massive bear hug, lifting his feet off the ground.

“Welcome hoOoOoOome,” they sang in unison before letting Will down.

“Ok ok,” he protested as Lucas and Dustin both decided to try to ruffle his hair. “My mom is making me go with her to visit the Franklins,” Will complained, rolling his eyes.

Joyce was returning to Illinois the same day because she had to be back for work on Monday, but wanted to visit some family friends while she was in town.

“Trust me,” Will whispered to El so his mother wouldn’t overhear. “You're lucky to be skipping this trip.” After a bit of small talk, Will hopped back into the car with his mother, leaving El standing alone with Mike, Dustin and Lucas.

“We’ll be back around supper time!” Mrs. Byers shouted as she got back into their car and slowly pulled away.

"We have something to show you." Dustin said with a smile that showed off his newly emerged permanent teeth.

"What's that?" El asked excitedly. Her interest piqued.

"Oh it's a surprise," said Mike mysteriously.

A surprise?! This day is already better than I had hoped.

"It's just for you," Lucas informed her.

"We've been building it for weeks," said Mike, "but it's a bit of a walk. We should head out. Do you mind? We’ll take the old train tracks."

“Of course not!” she practically squealed. _The tracks!_ She hadn’t walked on the tracks in almost 3 years. When Mike and Lucas and Dustin had been hiding her from Brenner. When they’d been trying to find Will. They never had a reason to walk along them back when she was living in Hawkins. And she had effectively been in hiding most of that time. Now that Dr. Owens had given her the all-clear, she was excited to walk along them again. As terrifying as those times were 3 years ago, there was a certain nostalgia she felt for them as well. Her first real conversation with Mike happened on those tracks. And now she could hold his hand, and not feel awkward if he caught her staring at him, or if she caught him staring at her.

They set off immediately, this time without their bikes, which made getting to the tracks more of a chore, but made walking on them more enjoyable. Dustin and Lucas had drifted up ahead, just as they had all those years ago. Back then they had done it in their zeal to find Will, and maybe in their uncomfortableness with El. _Or at least Lucas’s_. Now she was sure it was to finally give her a bit of privacy with Mike. It wasn’t total privacy but it had been so long since they’d been able to be alone together, she took what she could get.

“I’ve missed this so much” Mike said as her took her hand in his. It just felt right.

Something about this trip, the start of these two weeks, felt different than all their other visits. Those had never been longer than 8 days, maybe that was it. But … this just felt so much more relaxing. It had an almost surreal feeling, to be back here, to be safe. Maybe it was just the freedom she felt really for the first time. Every other visit always had a purpose or some pressure that seemed to hurry the days along until they were ripped apart once more. With two weeks spread out in front of them and nothing to do but talk and spend time with their friends. _It just feels calming._

“We’re here!” Mike announced giving her hand a tiny squeeze.

It took them more than an hour from when they had left the Wheelers front yard to reach what was apparently their destination. The rock quarry. _This is a trip through all my favorite memories!_ The place where she had saved Mike, where Dustin had first called her a friend, where she bared herself completely to Mike and confessed everything that she had hidden from him and Dustin and Lucas. That she had opened the gate that had released the demogorgon, that had taken their friend. And Mike had accepted her, all of her. Her shaved head, her guilt for everything that was happening to them and their missing friend. His reassurance that she was a good person, that she was not the monster. She didn’t think that Mike realized at the time, and maybe not even now, how much that acceptance meant to her. She hadn’t realized it until over a year later, but that acceptance, that was when she started to fall in love with him.

They started to walk into the quarry, around the road that slowly wound around the cut stone, down to the lake below. The boys stopped half way down. Dustin and Lucas turned and looked at her with matching … sort-of weird smiles on their faces. They looked … off, like looking at someone in a mirror while they smiled crookedly. It’s been too long since I’ve seen then, over 5 months, that’s all it is.

“This is it!” said Dustin perhaps a bit too excited as El could not see what they were trying to show her.

“I hope you like it!” said Lucas with the same zeal.

“Um … I don’t understand,” said El not able to hide her confusion. She started to fear she had missed something. That her lack of an education was causing her to not understand what they were trying to show her.

Or maybe this was some joke that she didn’t understand? Mike had told her about pranks, apparently Dustin was a fan of them. Mike had told her over Christmas of a few that Dustin had done. He had said that Dustin liked to make Lucas scream. El had asked if they were just ‘mean … jokes’. Mike couldn’t disagree.

She turned to Mike, he could always explain things to her when the others talked too fast. He was always patient without making her feel like there was something wrong with her.

“It’s right there,” he said, pointing to the side of the quarry about fifteen feet away.

She looked where he was directing her and she saw a doorway carved into the rock she hadn’t noticed before.

“It’s for you,” Mike said.

“Wha, I … I don’t … understand.” Those words It’s for you sounded familiar, too familiar, like something she had heard before. This wasn’t right, she’d just ask him to explain again, and then she’d get it.

“Of course you don’t,” Mike said rolling his eyes. He looked over at Lucas and Dustin, “I told you she wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re right, always right,” answered Dustin.

“Smartest guy I know,” Lucas agreed. He sneered at El and his head gave a slow back and forth shake, a look that seemed to say ‘with the dumbest girlfriend.’

“Wha ..” El stammered.

“It’s a tomb,” explained Mike.

“What?”

“But I mean it’s not for YOU, that’s the wrong way of saying it, because of you would probably be more accurate.”

“What?”

“For all the people who’ve died. Since you left the lab.”

“Mike? I …” There must be some mistake. She reached for his face.

“Mike? Mike WHAT? Those deaths aren’t your fault?!?” he said, slapping her hand away.

“Mike …” She couldn’t put her thoughts into words. As if the last 2 ½ years of her life had vanished and she was the scared little girl who had just escaped from the lab.

He said nothing more, simply turned and walked away. El was frozen, rooted to the spot, she didn’t know what to do and her words had completely failed her.

She turned back towards Dustin and Lucas. This must be some terrible joke, why would Mike … Before she could put her thoughts into words, she saw that Dustin and Lucas were already gone.

“But …” she turned back to stop Mike from leaving, “Mike?” but he was already gone.

“He’s gone, he won’t come back.” She recognized Mrs. Byers voice behind her, but why would she say that? El turned back towards the carved doorway and Mrs Byers and Will were standing on either side of it.

“Mom?” El ran to them, hoping that her adoptive mother would know what was going on. Maybe Will knew why Mike was acting so ... _What happened since this morning?!?_

“Don’t call me that”, Joyce put herself between El and Will. “Stay away from my son, what is wrong with you?!”

El froze. Her mouth hung open as she stared in disbelief.

“He almost DIED because of you, he lost his childhood because of you. Are you trying to finish the job? Hopper died because of you.”

“No ... He was”

“He was down there, in that place because of you. You opened the gate. It’s your fault those men came here to open it again. He was only there because of you. And he was only down there to save you. Everything you touch turns to ruin. What a waste.”

“No .. Mrs By.. But. .. Will” she stammered, she could feel her eyes had started to water.

“Do you really think we loved you? That Mike loved you?” Will practically spat the words at her. “How could he love you, all the pain you’ve caused, and now you’re just some pathetic broken thing.”

Before she could even react, they had advanced on her. Each grabbing an arm they spun her around and started dragging her towards the doorway hewn from the side of the quarry’s cliff.

“What are you doing?” El now fulling sobbing didn’t understand, these were her friends, her family, the people who were supposed to love her. She tried to struggle against their grasp, but they seemed impossibly strong.

“Putting you where you belong. Where you won’t be able to hurt us or anyone else again.”

Mrs Byers words were the last thing she heard before she was thrown through the stone doorway. A large rock she hadn’t seen before came rolling in front of the doorway sealing her inside.

A small gap at the top of the stone let enough light in that she could see she wasn’t alone in the room. There were 4 figures hidden just out of the light.

A large man came shambling out of a corner, the side of his head was covered in blood and flies buzzed around an open wound in his temple. _Benny, no I._ He said nothing, but she could hear his words in her head. ‘I fed you, I clothed you, and this is how you repay me?’

Next a girl with red hair approached her. She was covered in a layer of mud and grime. _Nancy’s friend._ Her mouth was sealed shut by a long black tube running into it. But her eyes seemed to scream at El. The girl appeared no older than El was now. _Had it been this long? I’m so sorry._ El could see that the girl was cursing her despite not being able to say a word. The hate in her eyes almost felt like it was burning El.

Next came a man she had never seen herself, but Mrs Byers still kept a drawing Will had made on their refrigerator. _Bob?_ His stomach and chest were completely destroyed. Huge gashes ripped through the tattered remains of his shirt, his intestines hanging to the floor. She didn’t know how he could even hold himself upright, but he walked towards her nonetheless. He had a sad defeated look on his face.

Then came a man pulling himself along the ground, his legs were gone. She couldn’t see many details in the darkness, but somehow she knew that they had been completely burned away. His face was being dragged along the floor as he pulled himself hand over hand towards her. She couldn’t see who it was, but she knew. _Dad … no … I..._

“Please …. No” was all El could manage to say.

He looked up, painfully pushing his palms against the floor. She didn’t want to look down, but something was compelling her, she had to see his face. “Eleven,” he murmured. The face was a ruined mess, unrecognizable if not for the familiar voice. Much of the skin was burned away. She could see part of the skull exposed where the hairline above his forehead used to be. His nose was gone and the remaining skin that clung to the bone was a melted and charred ruin. One eye was burned away and the other was completely glassed over. He should not be able to see, but he looked right where she stood and her father said, “You are where you belong now.”

El woke with a violent start. The same dream had recurred so often, that she no longer cried out when she finally broke free of it. She was unable to keep herself from jerking wildly as she woke up, but at least this time she hadn’t fallen out of her bed.

El rushed over to her desk and turned on the light. She opened the top drawer. There was a small stack of papers which still held the tell-tale sign of the 3-portion fold of having been in an envelope. She took out the first page, at the top written in Mike’s beautiful cursive “My Dearest Eleanor”. A nickname Mike only used for these letters. She quickly turned the page over to the last line. “I love you today, tomorrow, now, forever and always, all the days of my life.” It was signed “With all that I have, Your Michael”. She took a deep breath and relaxed. The words always calmed her when she woke in the night.

She took out another paper. This one folded with many more creases. She skipped towards the end of this one as well "remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave.” She took several deep slow breaths. It’s going to be ok, I’m going to be ok, Mike is going to be ok.

Glancing out the window and using the light of the lone streetlamp 2 houses away, she could see that the snow had not stopped. Mike wasn’t able to make it to Illinois for spring break as they planned. Even now, almost half way through March, the snow never seemed to stop falling. And Mike and Dustin weren’t able to use the radio to call since … January 3rd, almost 10 weeks ago. Two days after El had returned from her Christmas trip to Hawkins. The boys actually had to dismantle Cerebro before the snows came because Dustin was worried it would be damaged or destroyed.

The long distance charges were too much for daily calls. Mr. Wheeler made Mike pay him to cover the bill. El had never complained to Mike, even though the only nights that she slept soundly were after talking to him. The letters helped. They were nice in their own way, but it wasn’t the same. She knew he was trying to save money. At Thanksgiving he had said something about the ‘importance of an emergency fund.’ He wouldn’t go into details but she could tell it was important to him. She didn’t give it much thought at the time, so she didn’t inquire any further. Now she wished she had. If it had something to do with her, she’d rather hear his voice than pretty much anything else he might be saving for. She couldn’t tell him about the dreams, or he’d want to call every night. She didn’t want their distance to become a burden to him. He was already writing her nearly every day for those 10 weeks. I have to be strong, for Mike and for myself.

June 7th was so far away. El checked the clock on her nightstand, 2:15, she took out a blank piece of paper. She wasn’t able to write with Mike’s beautiful handwriting, or always pick the best words, but she knew she had to practice and wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. Mike’s words had been able to calm her every night when she woke from her dream. She hoped that her words could do the same for him if he ever had nightmares. And maybe after this one she should write to Dustin and Lucas as well. She started,

‘My Dearest Michael’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone annoyed by the hard right turn from a seeming fluff piece, my apologies. I was hoping you'd let down your guard like El does every night that she has the nightmare.
> 
> Although it hasn't happened to me in many years, I find that nightmares that start off as pleasant dreams are much harsher.


	2. That First Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike struggles to write his first love letter to Eleven

January 1st, 1986

Before she left at the end of Christmas break, Mike told El that he was going to write her a “special” letter. Something to let her know how much he loved her.

“You called me ... every day I wasn’t here. I know how much you love me,” El insisted.

“Trust me, ok? It’ll be nice to have it written down. That way you can read it anytime you want. It’ll be like always having me around,” Mike explained.

“That does … sound nice.” El agreed. “I could carry you in my pocket,” she joked. “Should I write one for you too?”

“Of course!” Mike answered enthusiastically. El absolutely beamed at his excitement.

_Ugh that smile. That’s gotta go in there somewhere._

Mike planned to take a few days to write it, maybe a week to perfect it. But circumstances would demand a bit of quicker turnaround than that.

January 2nd, 1986

Mike returned home relaxed after 45 minutes chatting over the radio. He entered his basement through the walk-in door to find Dustin pacing nervously.

“They are saying 18 inches!” he said without preamble.

“What?” Mike asked perplexed. He hadn’t been paying very close attention since he wasn’t expecting to have a conversation immediately upon entering his house.

“SNOW!” Dustin responded a bit frantically.

“That’ll be fun,” Mike responded in a way that seemed to frustrate Dustin. He almost added ‘El loves the snow.’ but the look on Dustin’s face stopped him.

“Mike … snow … 18 inches. Wind … sleet,” Dustin said as an explanation, the frustration in his voice becoming obvious.

“CEREBRO, shit," shouted Mike.

“Ya, I know, why didn’t we think of this?” Dustin sounded disappointed in himself.

If Dustin was disappointed in himself, Mike was distraught. That radio tower was like a lifeline, a magical device that prevented his heart from dying. Every time El answered him on her radio, it was like a part of him was reconnected to his body. Thinking about something happening to it, Mike felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“We’re going to have to take it down for a while,” Dustin said unnecessarily. Why else would he look so worried?

“How long?” Mike asked, panic seeping into his voice as the dawning realization started to sweep over him.

“I’m not sure... not that long, we just need to keep an eye on the weather. Once there’s a break in the weather, we can haul everything back up there, make our calls for a few days and dismantle it before the next storm comes. It sounds a lot worse than it is. It’ll be ok.” Dustin tried to ease the mind of his clearly panicked friend. “Maybe the rest of the winter will be mild.”

Dustin probably didn’t realize how often Mike was at the tower. He had been making daily trips up that hill since October after El and the Byers had left Hawkins. It was part of his daily routine, part of who he was at this point. School, walk to weathertop, talk to El for 30-40 minutes, homework until dinner, study until 9. He barely watched TV, there were more important things that he needed to do. Dustin, on the other hand, was there only once or twice a week.

“Ok,” Mike agreed, knowing there was really no other option. “It won’t be that bad. Maybe a week? I was already planning on writing El a letter anyway ...”

“Nice, good thinking … romantic, very classy.” Dustin tried to sound encouraging. Mike wasn’t sure if it was working.

“I know right? I’ll have to stay up tonight so I can get it in the mail first thing,” Mike realized.

“Good, good, ok, the snow is supposed to start tomorrow night, so tomorrow after school, we get up the hill, make some goodbye calls and dismantle it. We should probably try to get Lucas to help, it’ll be a lot to carry back just the two of us.” Dustin seemed a bit worried at the prospect of just the two of them carrying everything down.

“Can we leave anything there?” asked Mike.

“Better not, we might need to reassemble it on top of the snow … I’d hate to have to dig out any parts.” Dustin explained.

“Good thinking … ok, I’m going to get started on this letter ... “

“Right, good, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dustin said and excused himself out the basement door.

Mike had a small roll top desk set up in his basement. A relic from a bygone age, something he thought his father must have used in college that found its way into the basement.

He started, as he thought all things should, at the beginning.

‘My Dearest Eleven,’

 _Ugh, the first line._ He already wasn’t sure. He felt just ‘El’ was too short, almost curt. It was technically a nickname and he felt that a letter like this called for something … fancier? Nobody ever used her birth name, Jane, and Eleven might carry some baggage he didn’t want to stir up. They all let “Eleven” slip sometimes when talking to her. She never complained, she never really seemed to give the name a second thought. But he knew she preferred El and he always tried to make sure he only used that name.

Now he started to feel terrible about himself, he never really asked her what she thought about ‘Eleven’ the name Brenner had used to dehumanize her. It wasn’t the sort of conversation he wanted to have over the radio or phone. It was something he should probably talk to her about in person. That way he could hold her if she needed to be held or comfort her if the memory of her former life was too much to bring back to the forefront of her mind.

Before Hopper died, their conversations avoided most things from her former life in the lab. They both also avoided talking about the 353 days. She told him about how she survived in the woods, but steered mostly clear of her life with Hopper. Neither of them would be past that time until, sadly, after Hopper was gone. She told him about Chicago and Kali, about her mother and her aunt, about seeing into her mother’s memories. But they didn’t talk about Brenner. Mike feared discussing the lab at all, scared of reminding El, scared of what anger it might stir in himself.

After Hopper died, their conversations turned more serious. She always had questions for him and he prayed that he was able to comfort her. ‘Do you believe in the after life?’ ‘Was I worth saving?’ ‘Was there another way?’ ‘Should we have done something differently?’ ‘Why do bad things happen around me? To the people around me?’ Mike wouldn’t describe it as a fun time in their relationship, but it definitely brought them closer and helped Mike better understand El.

Over the radio, it was mostly just day-to-day stuff. ‘How are your classes going?’ ‘What did you learn today?’ ‘Do you need help with anything?’ El was moving quickly through her schooling, but she was so far behind, Mike didn’t know if or when she’d catch up. Just another reminder of the life she’d lost, but also of the life he hoped he could help her get back.

When they were finally together over Thanksgiving and Christmas, their conversations rarely focused on the past, at least not the serious parts of the past. Those conversations were reserved for talking about the future and the present. What was happening in Hawkins and what was happening in Illinois. El being able to show Mike the progress in her schooling. Mike explaining his latest school project to her. As nice as the radio was, it was always easier in person.

They talked a lot about when they would really be reunited. Mike was hoping to go to school somewhere in Illinois. Somewhere where he’d only be a short drive away from the Byers house.

“You can’t make that decision like that!” El had told him. She didn’t know much about college, but she knew that Jonathan wanted to go to a specific school, not a specific city. She overheard him talking with Mrs. Byers about it a few times.

“There are plenty of great schools there,” Mike had reassured her. He was hoping to get into Northwestern, but knew that was going to be a stretch.

“Ok … but ... where you go ... I go there too,” she insisted.

It was a nice sentiment, but Mike knew she needed to finish high school. She was years behind, and her staying with Mrs. Byers was the best way to make sure that that happened.

Over Thanksgiving, Mike and El had made a calendar that counted every day until Mike’s high school graduation. June 10th, 1989. He was planning on moving in with the Byers immediately after and sharing a room with Will. They hadn’t exactly told Mrs. Byers the plan, but Will and El were excited about the idea. Mike didn’t think Mrs. Byers would mind. He was planning to pull his own weight that summer and he could share a room with Will. Then he’d be in the dorms in the fall. Close enough to spend weekends with El and Will without hurting his studies. It felt weird to plan that far into the future, but it calmed him, and it calmed El.

The calendar also provided a countdown. Forty-four months to go, two months on each side, both sides of each piece of paper. It ended up only being eleven pieces of paper. _Eleven._ Mike took that as a good sign, and such a small number too. But when Mike did the math, it ended up being 1290 days from the day they originally made the calendar on Thanksgiving to the end. That was a slightly more daunting number than eleven.

And now, more than a month later, there were still 1255 days left. Even though the number had barely budged, it felt really good to be counting down, instead of counting up. With a destination, with an end, it comforted them. Even though it was so much more than their previous separation, it was finite and they felt they could manage it. It wasn’t an endless expanse of time spreading out in front of them with no end in sight as it had the previous year. And, of course, Mike had a plan that he was putting into action, that always comforted him.

“I should put something about the countdown in the letter,” he said to himself. “Ugh focus, you still haven’t written the salutation.”

An idea suddenly sprung into his mind. He took out a fresh sheet of paper and, with a smile, proudly wrote:

‘My Dearest Eleanor,’

The smile quickly faded. _Will she remember that name? Will she think its funny? Should I want her to think its funny? Should this be more serious?_ Mike had no choice, he had to get this letter finished and didn’t want to be up until 3 in the morning. _So ‘Eleanor’ it is then. It’ll be like a code name._ Just like it was more than two years ago when they were hiding El from Brenner. Maybe he could include some parts about that time. Even though it was terrifying, for both of them, it had bonded them together, Mike believed forever and in ways no other 12 year olds could be bonded. He would just have to make sure that he chose his words carefully and correctly. He didn’t want to remind El of any bad memories, particularly the lab and Brenner. _Ugh, maybe I’m going to be until 3 am after all._

He decided he’d write about the quarry and their first walk along the train tracks. Their first real conversation on those tracks, their first connection, the feeling that El understood him like maybe nobody else did. And then she had literally saved his life at the quarry, she told him everything and he had been able to reassure her, they shared their first hug. Dustin of course joined in. _That’s ok, he’s her friend too._ Luckily they were all able to help save Will or the memories would not be so sweet.

There was so much to write. _I’ll have to copy it over at least once so it would look nice for her._ He ended up copying it three times, once to make sure all his thoughts made sense and were ordered propertly, twice to make sure everything was worded correctly, and then thrice to make sure the penmanship was perfect. He hoped she’d appreciate the effort because he was up until 3 in the morning.

January 3rd, 1986

Immediately after school Dustin and Mike raced to Weathertop on their bikes. They chained them to a tree and covered them with a small tarp that Dustin had found in his garage. They wouldn’t be able to ride their bikes home while carrying all of the radio tower parts. And they would not have as much help as they wanted. Lucas and Max had ended up in detention. All Lucas had told them was that Max had mouthed off to a teacher and he had defended her. Lucas promised to meet them there to help carry everything home as soon as he could.

The hike up the hill wasn’t particularly long without having to carry anything, but they were trying to move quickly. They could already see the dark storm clouds approaching. When they reached the top of the hill, they were both completely out of breath.

“You ... first,” wheezed Dustin, toppled over in the cold grass.

“You … built it ... that’s … fine,” Mike accepted having to talk to Eleven in between wheezing breaths as the price to pay for borrowing the tower so many times. The poor girl had no idea that bad news was coming. He turned on the radio, already tuned to the frequency they had prearranged all those months before.

Mike heard Dustin mumble in the background between breaths, “Why … did I… run … if I … was going .. to make you … call first?”

“El, this is … Mike, it’s day … D-day minus twelve fifty-four … I’m here," Mike said in between gasps for air. Mike had decided ‘twelve fifty-four’ sounded like a smaller number than ‘twelve hundred and fifty four’ and sounded infinitely better than ‘one thousand two-hundred and fifty-four.’

Static … He waited 20 seconds. Once he'd caught his breath he tried again.

“El, this is Mike, it’s D-day minus twelve fifty-four, I’m here, over,” he failed in his attempt to stay calm.

“Mike!” came an immediate response. “You have to say over, over.”

“God, I love you. You nearly gave me a heart attack, but I love you. Listen, this has to be super quick. There’s a storm coming, over,” Mike tried to explain.

“Oh Mike, you shouldn’t be out there! Be safe, we can talk tomorrow, over.” El wasn't able to conceal the concern in her voice.

“No, El, that’s the thing. This storm is really bad… We won’t be able to talk tomorrow, over.” Mike still hadn't figured out exactly how he was going to say it.

“Ok Sunday, it’s fine, over.” El tried to reassure him.

Mike sighed, Just like a bandaid, one quick … “I don’t know when I’ll be able to call you again, it might be a while. We have to take the tower down, to keep it from being damaged, but I’ll use the phone as much as I can.” He let his finger slip off the transmit button.

“Oh …”

“I’m sorry El, over.” Mike felt the need to apologize. He should have realized this was a possibility. Why didn't he think of this? They could have better prepared. El could have had some time to get used to the idea that the radio tower wasn't always going to be available.

“No, don’t be sorry, it’s ok, it’s .. It’s not ok, but … not your fault. We’ll figure it out. We’re strong, right? Over,” El said trying to sound positive, but Mike could hear the worry and disappointment in her voice

“Yeah we’re strong, over.” They had been through worse after all.

“And you’ll come up in March, over,” she reminded him, sounding a bit more upbeat.

“March, yeah. It won’t be that long, and I can use the phone, we’ll just have to keep it short, over.” Mike was trying to stay positive, but he wasn’t sure if it was El he was trying to reassure or himself. March was more than 2 months away. (Surely, it won’t snow that whole time, I’ll be able to get the tower working again in a few weeks).

“Long distance? Over,” She asked him.

“Yeah, over.”

“No, Mike, too much money. I’ll write you, over.”

“That reminds me, I sent a letter this morning. It should be there tomorrow, or maybe Monday. But I’m still going to call you sometimes … at least once a week, ok? Over.”

“Ok ... we’ll be ok, I’ll write you too, over.”

Dustin started tapping his watch while trying to force Mike to make eye contact. The dark clouds had gotten noticeably closer.

“I’m sorry, El, I really do have to go, we can see the storm coming, and Dustin has to call Suzie still, over.” Mike’s voice started to crack. He had hoped they could have a real conversation, but Dustin did need the time on the radio and Mike knew how quickly these storms could go from flurries to a legitimate blizzard.

“Ok, I understand. Mike … don’t cry, over”

“I’m not, over” he responded unconvincingly. He sounded even more upset.

“Yes you are, we’ll be ok, and you are going to make me cry, over," El's voice started to waiver and Mike could hear a quiet sniffle.

“Ok, I won’t, I promise. I gotta go, over”

“Bye, Mike, I love you, over”

“Love you too, over and out”

“Over and out” came the response and then nothing but static.

Dustin spent a quick 3 minutes talking to Suzie and said his goodbyes. He wasn’t going to be able to write her letters or call her house as she still hadn’t told her parents about the boy from Indiana.

With only the two of them to dismantle the tower, it took them a lot longer than they had hoped. Mike thought they might have damaged part of it when they lost their grip trying to lower it. Dustin insisted it was fine, but if anything was wrong they could test and fix it in his garage.

By the time it was mostly dismantled, Lucas finally arrived to help them bring the parts home. Snowflakes began to fall before they even made it to the bottom of the hill.

“It’ll probably just be a week or two, that’s nothing, we did 50 weeks without even letters.” Mike reassured himself out loud as the three of them carried the parts down the hill.

“That’s right” “Two weeks! That’s nothing!” his friends reassured him.


	3. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike dreams of El

Mike was running through a maze of dark hallways, El’s hand in his. Cinder blocks painted blue and white streamed past them as they hurried along the corridors. Mike’s heart was filled with dread. Dustin and Lucas were running out in front of them. They were shouting frantically to each other, but Mike could not make out anything that they said, aside from a stray word here and there. “Left” “Faster” “Hurry”

At each intersection they could see the bright beams of flashlights waving. In an effort to avoid whoever was carrying the lights, they turned left, then right, then left again. The hallways seemed to stretch on forever.

_ There has to be a doorway somewhere!! _ Mike thought to himself, panic sinking into his soul.

No matter how hard they ran, the lights always seemed to be closer and closer at each turn. They ran harder anyway. El’s hand began to pull back against his as she slowly tired. Mike slowed down, but Lucas and Dustin continued out ahead of them. The distance between the two pairs growing longer with each turn.

Mike was about to shout for them to wait, but their friends turned left at the next intersection and disappeared from sight. As Mike and El approached the intersection, two large men with flashlights rounded the corner from the right. Mike thought they must be 8 feet tall, as they towered over him. He and El quickly stopped and reversed direction, but they found their path blocked by two more men. Their faces obscured by the darkness. There was nowhere to run.

The men shined their flashlights directly into Mike and El’s faces. Mike closed his eyes, but too late, and was temporarily blinded. He felt El’s hand slip from his. He groped for it in the darkness, unsure of what direction she had moved. Turning back blinking from where they had come, his eyes starting to readjust to the darkness. He saw the outline of El’s body, she had collapsed onto the ground. She wasn’t moving, she was too far and it was too dark for Mike to know if she was breathing.

“El! El!” Mike reached for her. “Are you ok?”

He took a single step towards her, but something prevented him from taking a second. Mike could not move, he could not get any closer. He found himself restrained by two of the giant men. They lifted him off the ground. His feet kicked at the air pointlessly. One of the men grabbed him from behind, wrapped his arms around Mike's chest in a bear hug and began to squeeze. He was held so tightly, it was becoming hard to breath. He looked up at their faces.

_ Who are these men? _

In the dark, Mike thought that their faces had no features. He saw only a rough gray featureless head. He tried to kick his feet back into the man’s legs, hoping to hit a knee or other vulnerable spot. The man gave no reaction. He may as well have been kicking a wall.

Mike looked back towards El. She was still lying on the ground motionless, but now a large man with combed-back white hair was lurching over her, his back to Mike. Mike continued to struggle, but the more he fought the man’s embrace, the harder he was squeezed.

“El! Get away from … her. You son of … a … bitch. Let … me … go.” Mike tried to yell between gasps for air. By now he could barely breathe.

The man had lifted El into the air and was cradling her like a baby, her head resting in the crook of his arm. He turned towards Mike. This face wasn’t featureless, he had seen this face before, years before. But he was different now, the man’s face was covered with scars as if it were raked several times by a lion’s claw. Even through all of that damage, Mike still knew who it was. The man who tormented El for 12 years. He refused to say his name, even in his own mind.

_ But … this isn’t right … he’s dead. How? _

“You can’t protect her, not from them,” He said with a sneer and motioned to the men holding Mike. “You couldn’t protect her from anything. And now she’s lost her powers, because of you.”

“No .. that’s ... not … true,” Mike managed to squeeze the words out.

“Maybe if you had been smarter, she wouldn’t have had to do everything. Maybe if she trusted you, she would have listened. She always trusted me. Until you tricked her into trusting you. But that didn’t last did it? Now she’ll see, she’ll see that you never really cared about her.”

“No … that’s not … true.” Mike wanted to scream the words, but the man’s grip on him, while it hadn’t tightened more, was still like a vise around his chest. He was surprised he could even get that much out.

Undeterred by Mike’s interruption, the white haired man continued. “All I ever did was care about her. She’ll understand that now. That I can protect her.”

“NO!” Mike was able to shout just a single word.

“And maybe I can even get her powers back. I made her powerful once before, I can do it again. You made her weak,” the man scoffed as if he wanted to spit on Mike, but instead the man turned his back and began to walk away.

El’s head and shoulders were visible around the man’s torso as he walked away. She finally began to move. Her eyes blinked open as if she were waking from a dream. She looked around the hallway confused, until her eyes locked with Mike’s. El reached a hand out towards him. “Mike? Mike! Help!” she pleaded sounding like she was on the verge of tears. See seemed too weak to struggle against the man carrying her away.

“El!” Mike shouted. He fought harder against his captor’s long arms, but they only continued to tighten more and more. Breathing became a wheezing struggle. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to talk again.

“Mike! Please!” El begged. Even in the dim lighting Mike could see the tears streaming down her face.

Mike could no longer speak, he could no longer breathe, he could not respond and he started to feel light headed. He heard a strange gurgling noise from the man holding him. He looked up again. The man still had no face, but instead of a grey featureless surface, he simply had a single enormous mouth, like a terrible flower splayed open and lined with rows of teeth. It said nothing as it’s maw slowly descended onto Mike’s head.

Mike woke in a cold sweat. Every dream was different, but they all basically ended in the same way. El killed or captured. Mike was always forced to watch before being crippled or killed himself. Mike hated to sleep, the dreams came almost every night. But he knew he had to be well rested for school, so he forced himself to lie down at 9pm every night. It was the only way he could manage to get anywhere near 8 hours of rest. Lucas and Dustin would always talk about TV shows that were on late, but Mike never watched them. He had a plan to permanently reunite with El, and he would force himself to do anything to stick to that plan.

Luckily the memories of the nightmares would usually fade quickly after waking. But the feeling of dread and despair would last sometimes for an hour. Sometimes he’d remember every detail for days. Maybe those were the dreams that he had more than once. The image of her in pain or anguish burned into his brain. He would force himself out of bed to check his countdown. He had to make sure that the days he remembered checking off were still checked off. Only then would he begin to calm down. Only then would his ears stop thumping with the rhythm of his own pulsating heart.

He would sometimes be so worked up, that he knew sleep was impossible. He’d take out his books and study, or work on an essay instead of fruitlessly lying in bed. On more than one occasion his mother found him asleep in his desk chair, head resting between the pages of a history textbook or on top of a math problem set.

Some nights were better than others, but a week later he found himself staring at the ceiling and trying to relax.

_ Ok brain … how will you torture me tonight? _

Mike and El were running through the woods, chased by his middle school bullies, Troy and James. They had been spotted while hiking and Troy had decided to finally take his revenge. He would never forget the embarrassment caused when a pair of losers and a freak with a shaved head broke his arm. Luckily he didn’t seem to recognize El now that she was years older with hair well past her shoulders.

“I’m going to gut you, frog face, and make your little girlfriend watch,” Troy taunted as he and his toady closed in. They both seemed to never tire. They constantly shouted insults as they continued to slowly inch closer and closer.

Eventually the pair emerged from the woods and into the quarry.

_ Not again! _

They raced around the road trying to get to the other side that would lead out towards civilization. Surely their pursuers would give up the chase once they get onto a main road. They wouldn’t chase them through the town streets in front of witnesses.

But somehow James had flanked them, he suddenly emerged from the woods up ahead.

“Going somewhere smart guy?” James shouted with a smile so wide Mike could see it from 50 feet away. While Mike had grown vertically during the last 2 years, James had grown in all directions and he had just over a year of age on his side as well. He was a mountain of a 16 year old. And Troy wasn’t much smaller than his friend.

With nowhere to run now, the couple stopped. El grabbed Mike’s hand, he gave it a small squeeze hoping to assure her that everything would be fine. He’d take a few lumps, and that would be that.

“Mike?” asked El. ‘What can we do?’ went unsaid. She sounded terrified.

“Get to the side, away from the ledge, I’ll boost you up the side.” Mike answered, trying to sound confident, reassuring.

She started to move, but still said “But, what about you?”

“I’ll be fine, I just need you to get out of here,” Mike insisted.

He formed a hold by weaving his fingers together and prepared to lift her high enough that she could scramble over the face of the small cliff. Just as she was reaching the ledge to pull herself up, Mike felt a hand on his shoulders that pulled him away from her.

_ How did they get to us so quickly?!? _

Mike tumbled to the ground, he watched El fall awkwardly from where she was trying to scramble up. Her right arm hit the ground and twisted backwards behind her back.

Just as Mike started to pick himself up, he felt James’s arms grab him around the neck and lift him to his feet. El pushed herself to her feet with her left hand. She winced as she grabbed her right arm. Mike didn’t think that it looked broken, but El still appeared to be in pain.

“Let him go!” El shouted. She advanced on the boys, face filled with fury.

Troy stepped in between Mike and El and pushed El away as if she were nothing. She took two steps and before she could recover she tripped on a rock and fell tumbling backwards.

“Don’t you fucking touch her, asshole,” Mike yelled.

“Pfft or what? You’re no man, you can’t protect her.” Troy said as he punched Mike in the stomach.

James let him go right after the blow landed. He didn’t expect to be released, and that combined with the wind being knocked completely out of him, caused him to collapse in a heap.

Troy turned to El. “Let me show you what a real man is like.”

Mike woke with his heart racing. He could hear his heartbeat. It echoed inside his head THUMP THUMP. Louder than it usually beat after waking from a nightmare.

_ Can 15 year olds have heart attacks? _

He lay on his bed trying to take slow even breaths. Something about James and Troy being in his nightmare made it seem all the more real.

He wanted to race downstairs to the phone and call the Byers’ house. Long distance charges were less this time of night, but Mrs. Byers wouldn’t appreciate being woken because a 15 year old had a bad dream. It was only 1 ½ days until Sunday night.

_ Just call her at your regular time, keep it together. _

Instead of going to the phone, Mike went to his desk again. His countdown was resting as it always did in the far right corner, where he could glance at it whenever he was studying, doing homework, writing essays for history or English or writing lab reports for biology. He grabbed the well worn sheets of paper and placed them directly in front of himself. March 21, 1986. One thousand, one hundred seventy seven days left. The number barely seemed to budge, but it was indeed going down. His heart rate slowed and his breathing evened out.

He looked at the penmanship on the calendar. El had insisted on making Mike’s for him as he had done for her. “I need the practice writing too,” she had asserted. Mike was happy to let her. It made it more personal knowing that she had made it for him. And Mike always thought that her adorable little chicken scratch writing was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

Mike looked back at his bed.  _ Maybe I can just go back to bed tonight… Nothing left to study. _

Mike was weeks ahead in almost every class. An hour or two of extra time in the middle of the night really added up. He looked out the window. He used to love the snow, but now the almost constant deluge of snow storms filled him with a feeling of despair. Every snowflake, a tiny reminder of the distance between him and El. She was only a short drive away. Just over three hours with just a little bit of breaking the speed limit.

“Relax, Mike, they won’t stop us for 7 over the limit,” Nancy had insisted back when the siblings were driving to Illinois to visit over Thanksgiving.

But with the storms coming 2 or 3 a week, she may as well have been in Siberia.

_ Certainly, they’ll end before April… maybe I should tell El about these dreams? _

Mike didn’t want to worry her. They were only dreams, they didn’t mean anything. And he didn’t want to appear weak or that he was worried over nothing. He felt that he had to be strong for her.

Mike flipped the countdown a few months ahead to September. The 15th was circled in red ink. El had done it over Christmas “That’s when the countdown will finally fall hit 999,” she informed him with pride. “It will be a day to celebrate!”

_ 3 Digits… _

An extra milestone to break up the monotony of checking off one day at a time. She was right, it always helped to calm him. Knowing it was her idea, that she had planned it, that she was right, filled him with pride.

_ God, I love that girl. Please bring her back to me. _

And she was, but not in the way he had hoped.

Many nights Mike was forced to watch El be flayed. He would be held down by the monster while a tentacle was forced into El’s mouth. A strange fluid pumped into her, while Mike could do nothing to stop it. Sometimes she would dissolve into a pool of viscera and be forced to join into the body of the monster, while Mike was unable to look away. Other times, she would keep her body, but her mind was gone. A pawn of the mind flayer, she would tell Mike to join her, to become one with the abomination. “It’s bliss” she would tell him.

Other nights, he’d be talking to El on the phone, when government agents would surge into the Byers’ home taking El prisoner. Mike completely powerless on the other end of the phone to help. El screaming and crying as she was dragged away. Sometimes he would hear Will and Mrs. Byers try to stop them. Sometimes he would even hear the sound of gunfire over the receiver before there would be nothing but silence.

Brenner would come very often. They weren’t always running in the school, the demogorgons usually weren’t with him. Sometimes El would be visiting Hawkins, and Brenner had set a trap for her. Sometimes Mike was captured and forced to watch her be abused by Brenner in an effort to bring her powers back. Other time Mike was simply killed as El was dragged away.

The Russians came less often. But they always knew who El was. Sometimes they would capture her. They would take Mike with them, in the hope of forcing her to comply. One time they dissected her brain, hoping to learn the secrets of her powers while he was forced to watch. Other times, they would simply kill her, thinking she was a threat to them.

Sometimes, it would be ‘normal’ things. From the everyday like car accidents to the nigh impossible, like the time he watched her sink into quicksand. But there was always something preventing Mike from helping.

He stopped screaming when he woke up after the first few weeks, but he always woke with a feeling of dread, unsure at first if the dream was real. And so it went, night after night. Whenever he wasn’t able to call El, to know for certain that she was ok, the dreams would come. Her letters helped, but she wasn’t able to write as often as he wrote her.


	4. The Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> El and the Byers first few days in their new home in Illinois. El takes a placement exam for the new school year.

October 14th, 1985

El and Mrs. Byers were sitting on a small bench outside of a closed door. The upper half of the door was a piece of frosted glass with the words ‘Guidance Department’ stenciled in black paint in an arc. El was so nervous her left foot was bouncing uncontrollably against the hard tile floor. She was staring blankly at the black and white tiles trying to not think about the last two hours of her life.

“It’s going to be all right, everything will be ok,” Mrs. Byers said trying to calm her. It wasn’t working. “No matter what happens, you’ll get through it. And we’ll all help you.”

“I know …” was all El could muster in response. Her gaze never left the floor.

Less than ten minutes had passed since she had finished her first written test. It was her first taste of structured formal education. She hated it. Whenever Mike, Hopper, or her friends had taught her things they never made her feel lacking. But somehow this piece of paper had made her feel like she had barely learned anything since leaving the lab.

"I failed it," El told her adoptive mother.

"You can't fail it, sweetie," Mrs. Byers tried to comfort her. She put her arm over El’s shoulder.

“I failed it ... I know it,” El insisted.

“El, they just want to place you in the right class. You’ll learn the most and the fastest if you aren’t put too far ahead or too far behind where you should be,” Mrs. Byers explained. She pulled El closer with the arm over El’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “And we’ll all be there to help you,” she said again.

“I know, but … There were questions … I should have known. I …" El swallowed, "panicked.” She and Mike had spent a lot of the previous three month going over math workbooks. They had completed all of the 6th grade workbook and had even started the 7th grade before she left Hawkins. Mike had been so proud of her for how quickly she had moved through the material. Math was the one thing that she was taught in the lab. They must have thought it might be useful for a spy.

She had been studying her grammar and English books before with Hopper. And later Will had even helped quiz her on her vocabulary. Lucas, Dustin and Max had taught her a bit of the history that 14 year olds thought was important. Max had gone over the pronunciation of various U.S. states. El was particularly flummoxed by Kansas and Arkansas. Dustin had taught her a bit of science and Lucas had tried to teach her a bit of the Spanish he had learned in eighth grade, before refocusing his efforts back on English. It was even fun a lot of the time and her friends enjoyed spending the time with her.

But now that she had to sit down and actually be tested, without anyone to encourage her, it was a completely different situation. The paper didn’t smile at her when she got a question right. It didn’t find a new way to explain something she didn’t understand. It didn’t give her small hints to remind her how multiplying fractions worked, or who George Washington was. It just sat there … judging her.

“What will Mike think?” El asked in a almost whisper.

“No matter what happens, he’ll understand. You know he loves you,” Mrs. Byers tried to reassure her.

“He never said it back,” El protested meekly. Doubt started to seep into her voice as it had already begun to seep into her thoughts.

“El … boys, they… just have a hard time expressing themselves, their feelings. He was probably just in shock to hear you say it. He’ll say it next time you talk, I’m sure.”

“Didn’t on the radio either,” El said in the same near whisper.

“Everyone was in the room last night, Will and Jonathan and he was with Dustin and everyone. Maybe he wants it to be more of a private thing this time… El it's ok.” El felt like Mrs. Byers was just making excuses, but part of her was hopeful. She would talk to Mike tonight, make sure he knew she was alone.

_Then he’ll say it… unless._

A week before moving day, El had finally confided in Mrs. Byers what had happened between her and Mike that previous July. While she liked talking to Max, El had started to get the sense that maybe Max wasn’t the best source for relationship advice. Instead she decided it might be better to turn to the older woman and she tried to tell her the story. She left out Hopper’s involvement, partly due to her own grief over his death and partly due to her lack of understanding of exactly what had transpired between the two men in her life. She had wanted to ask Mike for more details, but something always stopped her. Maybe she was afraid to hear exactly what happened, unwilling to tarnish the memory of her father.

Mrs. Byers had listened to everything that El had to say without interrupting. She left out the bit about her using her powers to spy on Mike. Even El wasn’t sure if it was because she regretted it, was embarrassed, or if she simply didn’t want to talk about misusing her still broken powers against the boy she loved. Finally El got to her point, the reason she was bringing up all of these memories. The cabin and how Mike had practically shouted that he loved her while arguing with Max about El’s safety.

El finally stopped talking. It was the longest stretch she had ever talked uninterrupted in her life. Mike was always patient with her, trying to let her finish her thoughts or stories. But when she told him about her mother and her aunt and Kali, she wanted to hear what he thought as she went along. And when it was just her and Hopper alone in the cabin, she would tell him a little about the week she spent with Mike and her friends. But she had still been a timid little girl then, not used to having people listen to her, and she always waited for Hopper to ask questions or to show interest in the stories. The only stories he didn’t really ask any questions were about that last night, in the school, when the bad men came to capture her. She had always thought he didn’t like to hear that story, so she didn’t talk about that night with him much. It was probably because it was scary. Her father was a brave man, but he probably didn’t want to hear about her being in such danger.

“Do you love him back?” Mrs. Byers asked when El finally finished her story.

“Of course!” El answered, a bit exasperated. Why else would she have been telling her this whole story? The task of recounting it was both emotionally and physically exhausting.

Mrs. Byers smiled knowingly at El, as if she were privy to a secret. “But you haven’t told him, have you?” she asked.

“No …” El answered much more timidly as she looked down and away from Mrs. Byers.

“Why not?” Mrs. Byers pressed her for a real answer.

El looked back at her guardian. “Max said … should wait for him to say it first. ‘Boys should say it first, so you know they mean it.’” El quoted her, perhaps a bit misguided and misinformed but well meaning, friend.

“But … he did say it first,” Mrs. Byers corrected her

“Max says it doesn’t count until he says it to me… in person, not under duh rez.” El explained.

“Duress?” Mrs. Byers both asked and corrected her.

“Duress, yeah. He never said it again, maybe he didn’t ... mean it." El’s concerns clear as day in her voice.

“Do you want to say it to him?"

“Yes, of course!” El answered.

“Then you should tell him."

“Just … tell him? First?” El asked incredulously.

“It’s not really first sweetie,” Mrs. Byers reminded her.

“Yeah, I guess … when?” El asked nervously, the thought of having to be the one to start this conversation

“There’s never any time to waste with something like that. You never know what might happen and he should know you feel the same way. Trust me, ok? You’ll both be a lot happier if you tell him.” Mrs. Byers explained.

“Hmm … ok,” El finally agreed. She would tell Mike and they would both be happier.

“And don’t wait until we’re in the new house in Illinois, it’ll be a lot better in person.” Mrs Byers offered one last piece of unsolicited advice.

El agreed with that as well. In person would be better. She would know that he still loved her. Unfortunately, El wouldn’t be able to build up the courage until it was almost too late. She told him in their last moment of privacy before the move.

While he hadn’t said it back, El didn’t think much of it at the time. She assumed he was just shocked or nervous. She knew how nervous he could get when their conversations turned serious, especially about what he was feeling. It was one of the things she found so adorable about him. That she could fluster him so much.

On the three and a half hour drive from Hawkins to their new home in Illinois, El and Mrs. Byers talked a great deal. She’d agreed with El, Mike was just shocked, and nervous.

“It’s been three months after all,” Mrs. Byers reminded her young charge. “Maybe Mike was scared you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Maybe.” El said more to convince herself than having already been convinced.

“I’ve known Mike since he was 5 years old, trust me, that boy can be too brave for his own good. He roped Will and the boys into a few too many dangerous things growing up, but he’d also get so nervous sometimes too.” Mrs. Byers had insisted while they drove along the highway to Illinois.

“I guess,” El reluctantly agreed.

“We’ll set up the radio tomorrow and you’ll get to talk to him again.”

“Not tonight?” El asked in a worried tone.

“We’ll be getting in too late remember?” Mrs. Byers reminded her. “Mike knows you won’t be able to talk until tomorrow.”

“Right," El sighed. She had already talked to Mike and they had planned to talk on the radio on El’s second day in Illinois. But that was before Mike hadn't said it back to her. Now she was desperate to hear his voice again.

It turned out Mrs. Byers was right. It had been for the best that they had agreed their first call wouldn’t be on that first night. It was after 10:30 before they had unloaded the beds and linens and other items they would need the first night and morning in the new house.

The next day, they all slept in. El had heard Will quietly crying in the night when she got up to use the bathroom. When she returned to her bed, she was unable to hold back her own tears. She felt like the life that she had been promised had been torn away, starting with her new found father and now Mike and her friends.

Mrs. Byers let everyone sleep in that next day as late as they wanted. She and Jonathan were already awake when El finally got out of bed. She laid there staring at the ceiling for some time before leaving her small bedroom. It was scarcely big enough for her double bed and a spot where her dresser would go. She’d be doing her homework on the kitchen table every night with Will and Jonathan.

Will emerged from his room a few minutes later, most likely roused by the noises coming from El, Jonathan and Mrs. Byers planning the unloading of the moving truck. El could tell he’d been crying and she worried what her own eyes must look like. Could everyone tell she had also been unable to keep her own tears in check?

They spent the rest of the day unloading the truck. By 2:45, with the entire truck empty, Jonathan and Mrs Byers left to bring the truck back to the rental agency. Will and El were left behind to set up the supercomm. They would need an antenna on the roof for the signal to be reliable and strong enough. Will volunteered to climb up while El held the ladder. Luckily the roof was not very steep. By the time that was complete and connected to the radio inside, Mrs. Byers and Jonathan had already returned.

“So … you both a little anxious to call your friends?” asked Mrs. Byers. “Thought I told you to wait until we got home so Jonathan could help you set up the antenna?”

“Sorry, mom, Mike and Dustin said they’d start calling us at 3:15, we’re already late, they might be on the line right now,” Will said excitedly. His mood was infectious, El was no longer sad about the distance. The hope of the radio, the connection to Mike and her friends back home was about to be tested. Mike and Dustin had promised, if everything was set up on their end correctly, it would work.

Will turned on the radio, already pre-tuned to the agreed frequency and they both heard the small speaker ring out.

“... day 2, It’s me, mike, are you there? Over,” Mike’s voice came through clear as day. Dustin had been right, it worked perfectly. They were both too shocked to answer before Mike started the next cycle. “El, Will, it’s day 2, it’s me mike, I’m here are you there?Over.”

“MIKE!” they both shouted into the transceiver. No response. A sickening feeling swept over El’s entire body. 

_Is this what dropping on a rollercoaster feels like?_

What if they could only receive and not send messages? Would this just be like their previous separation? At least Mike would know she was safe this time, but …

_No … no … it’ll work, this isn’t fair._

“What if the transmitter isn’t working?” she asked Will, her finger still on the transmit button. In her excitement she had forgotten. “OVER” she shouted into the microphone and took her finger off the button.

“El, oh I know it's been like a day, but I already missed your voice. Is Will and everyone there? Over,” Mike responded enthusiastically.

“Yeah Mike!” “We’re here” “Everyone relax” said Will excitedly, Jonathan reassuringly and Mrs Byers a bit exasperated.

“Over,” El informed Mike.

“So what is the new house like tell me …” Mike started and then stopped. “Dustin … no … stop it … relax ...” came Mike’s voice a little quieter, more distant.

They could hear Dustin in the background, but couldn’t make out what he was saying. He must have been too far from the microphone. There was a fidgeting sound and the static cut in and out.

“Hey guys, I miss you all too!” came Dustin’s voice over the receiver as he had clearly wrestled the radio away from Mike.

“Me too!” “Me too!” came Lucas and Max.

El’s heart soared. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. It was like they were still in the room with her.

“Over,” Dustin announced.

Jonathan and Mrs. Byers left to sort out the kitchen and the gang of six chatted about nothing significant, but it was one of the most important calls El had ever had. Forty minutes later and it was over. She was worried the sadness would return, but knowing that the radio worked, that she would hear from Mike and her friends, lifted her spirits. She wanted to sit on the radio with Mike for hours, but the batteries, while much cheaper than long distance charges, weren’t free.

A few minutes after ending the call, she realized that she didn’t have a chance to talk to Mike alone. He still hadn’t talked about his feelings and her sense of happiness that had replaced the sadness now turned to worry.

_He was so excited when I answered… But maybe that was for Will?_

She was suddenly pulled out of her memory by a rather tall man asking Mrs. Byers to join him in his office.

“Jane, sweetie, come on in with me.” Mrs Byers beckoned El. They had decided to use her birth name for all official town and government business. Dr. Owens had suggested that it might make things easier to explain.

They walked through the door, El’s head still not hanging as high as it normally would have. They sat in chairs across a desk from where the tall man took a seat. ‘Robert Haggerty’ read a small name plate on the desk.

“How did Jane do?” Mrs. Byers asked, not wanting to delay the inevitable. El was glad to have her here. She was so nervous she thought she might not be able to speak.

“Mrs. Byers there’s never an easy way to say this … your charge will have to be placed significantly below grade level.”

“We knew she wouldn’t be placed with her peers … but what do you mean significantly?” Mrs Byers asked.

“I told you, I failed it,” El whispered painfully to her guardian.

“... Well her test results qualify her for the, ah hem…” the counselor paused, clearly nervous to continue. El’s anxiety was reaching a peak “for the seventh grade,” he finished.

Waves of relief washed over El. Just as Mike and her friends had thought. Seventh grade, just 2 years behind them. Those months of hard work had paid off.

“But given what Dr. Owens has told us about her background we feel that she might benefit from staying back an extra year, in sixth.”

“NO!” El shouted. She wanted to leap out of her seat, but she thought it might send the wrong message. That she couldn’t control her temper, and then she would have to deal with convincing this stranger that she could handle her classes.

“Jane, sweetie,” Mrs. Byers tried to calm her.

El took a breath before continuing, knowing that she had to appear calm. “Please, I can do it. I worked too hard to catch up. Three years back is too much.” El was pleading. The thought of telling Mike that she was going to be finishing high school three years behind him and their friends, instead of the planned two, filled her with dread. The thought of having to tell all her friends that all their hard work helping her wouldn’t be enough. That they had wasted the summer and their afternoons once school started. That she had failed not only herself but them... It was all just too much.

The counselor looked over at Mrs. Byers, “If you think she can do it, her test score qualifies her.”

“Are you ready Eeh ... Jane?” Mrs. Byers asked, turning to her, almost slipping and using her true name.

“Yes,” El said. “Yes,” she repeated to the counselor. “I can do it. When do I start?”

“Well, we’ll want to get you into a classroom, immediately, it’s already October, we don’t want you falling behind.”

“A classroom?” asked Mrs. Byers. She had warned El that they weren’t sure if she’d placed in a real class or not. El was nervous about either option, but her first concern was keeping up as closely as she could manage with Mike and her friends.

“She’ll be two years older than the other kids, but we feel it would be better for her … socially.”

El nodded, she understood. She would do anything they wanted her to as long as she wasn’t left even further behind. The counselor explained a bit more about how everything would work, but El could barely listen, she just couldn’t stop thinking about telling Mike and her friends. They filled out some forms to set her up to start in a real classroom the next day and left. El left the office a great deal prouder than she had entered it. Not only had she qualified for where she hoped, but she had talked the counselor into accepting the results and not holding her back.

When the pair arrived home, El was practically walking on air, skipping around the room.

“SEVENTH, WILL” she announced to her adoptive brother.

“Congrats, El,” Will smiled at her. Jonathan offered her a high five.

She saw the radio over Will’s right shoulder, and suddenly her heart sank.

Will followed her line of sight and he seemed to realize what was bothering her.

“El, why don’t we take a walk?” he suggested. “Check out the new neighborhood, see if there’s any walking trails in those woods.”

“Ok” was all she gave in response as the two headed out the door. Mike wasn’t scheduled to be on Weathertop for another hour. They knew she would be at the school after hours and set a call time later than normal.

Will and El didn’t really know where they were going, having only had a limited time to actually explore the sparse neighborhood the previous day, but El trusted that Will had a plan or at least was remembering how to reverse their steps. She knew he had a good sense of direction. It was invaluable when he was trying to evade the demogorgon two years back.

“So … seventh grade? That’s great,” Will said encouragingly.

“Yeah … great.” El nervously answered. Even though El had been living with the Byers for months, she felt least connected to Will. While he still helped her study, he always seemed a bit stand-offish with her.

“You seemed pretty thrilled when you first got home … but not anymore. Wanna talk about it?” Will sounded genuinely concerned.

“I … don’t know.” Despite Will's calm and understanding tone, El’s anxiety actually seemed to be getting worse, not better. Seeing the radio, being asked about her change of mood, only served to remind her of how Mike still hadn’t talked to her about his feelings.

“Well we can just walk if you want, or we can talk, up to you.” Will said reassuringly.

“We can talk, I guess.” Will not pressuring her and El having the choice seemed to calm her.

“Well, I noticed your mood changed when you saw the radio. Are you worried about Mike?”

“Sort of …” El had never talked to a boy about her relationship before. Even though she was friends with Lucas and Dustin, they were still Mike’s friends, and she thought anything she told them might not end up being kept in confidence. She didn’t think they would purposely break her trust, but she was learning that things can sometimes slip out accidentally. Max and especially Mrs. Byers were different, El knew she could trust that they would keep her secrets. Although occasionally she worried about Max’s temper.

“I know you’ve talked to my mom about it.” Will continued. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I promise,” he said apologetically.

“Easedrop?” El asked puzzled.

“EAVESdrop. It means to listen to conversations that you aren’t a part of, that you aren’t supposed to know about.” Will explained.

El’s ears burned at the reminder of her time in the void. Of all the times she listened to people when she wasn’t supposed to.

“Anyway, I didn’t hear much,” Will continued. “I wanted to give you privacy, I just heard that you were talking to her about Mike.”

“Yeah … a bit.” El answered nervously, not knowing where this conversation was going.

“How much did Mike tell you about that year you were missing?” Will asked

“I heard him, you know ... he would call me on his supercomm,” El answered.

“Oh right, the spying,” Will said, nodding.

“No … not the same, I heard him, before going to the void, I could … sense he was calling,” El said trying to explain

“Part of your powers?” Will asked, seeming genuinely curious.

“Yes, like when you were calling from the Upside Down. I could hear you, but not like sound, just like in my head. When he would call on the radio … I would know ... hard to explain, but I would just know he was on his radio, and I would go in and see him … and every day he just got sadder.” She sighed. “And it made me sadder. He started out so hopeful that I would answer one day. And I thought I would eventually … but ... I couldn’t. Hop …” she swallowed, the memory of her father making it harder to continue. “… told me, they were listening, the bad men. And that I had to protect Mike and you and Lucas and Dustin, that I couldn’t let anyone know I was nearby or alive, or everyone would be in danger.”

“Yeah, he was … he wasn’t really able to deal with it…” Will paused and took a deep breath, as if he were steeling himself against some difficult task. “El, he never stopped believing you’d come back. He never told Dustin and Lucas, I don’t know why, but sometimes he would tell me. That he felt you in there, when he’d call.”

“Yeah … I could tell… he would look right at me, like he could see me,” El explained.

“Yeah … but he thought he was going nuts.”

“Nuts?”

“Yeah like he was just imagining it. That his mind was playing tricks on him. Anyway, El, he never gave up on you and he had every reason to think he’d never see you again.” Will paused, when El looked at him she thought that he seemed to be thinking about what to say next. She left him alone with his thoughts waiting for him to continue. She appreciated when other people gave her a chance to gather her thoughts without talking over her, and she thought it was a good idea to do the same for Will. He slowly nodded to himself as if he were agreeing with someone that wasn’t there. “How about tonight … we set the radio up in your room. And you can close the door and talk to him in private about anything you’d like.”

“Thanks, Will … that would be great.” El was practically doing cartwheels in her mind. With the radio in the living room where anyone might be listening, maybe Mike would never feel comfortable to really talk to her.

“Yeah, no problem.”

They continued the walk in relative silence. Will occasionally checking his watch before announcing, “We should probably head back, so we have time to set up the radio before Mike tries to call.”

When they got home, Will helped her move the radio and the antenna wire to her room. Once the cable from the antenna was run into El’s room, they both ran into the living room. Will holding his walkie so he could run outside to verify that the setup in her room was working well enough. As they entered the living room, Joyce and Jonathan looked up, Jonathan from his homework, Joyce from a book she was reading.

“What are you two so excited about?”

“Will! He moved the … wire to my room. We’re going to try it now!” El announced.

Will ran out the front door and didn’t stop until he was completely out of view, hidden beyond the thick trees nearby. El ran back into her room and started calling “Will, this is El, can you hear me now? Over.”

“It works! Over and out,” Will reported.

Twenty minutes later she found herself alone in her room clutching her radio. Mike was going to be calling any minute based on their prearranged schedule. She had to make sure to answer. She wasn’t sure if Will was going to give her unfettered and private access to the radio every day. This could be her last chance to talk to Mike alone for a while.

Suddenly the radio sprang to life.

“El, Will, it’s day 3, this is Mike, I’m here. Over,” Mike’s voice filled her room.

“Mike, it’s El! Over,” she answered excitedly.

“Uuum … where’s everyone else? Where’s Will? Over,” Mike asked. El wasn’t sure how to read his tone of voice. Was he worried, nervous?

“Oh … I’m … alone, should I go get Will? Do you want … to talk to him? Over.”

There was a pause on the other end. El thought she could hear her heart beating over the static of the radio.

“Well … yes, but no … don’t tell him this, but I’d rather talk to you. Over.”

El’s heart did a flip … should she tell him she loved him again? She wanted him to know his feelings were safe with her, but … she didn’t know how. “Mike … are you alone too? Over.”

“Yeah, everyone said they had plans, homework and family dinners, since this call is later. Over.”

“Oh … good, I’m glad we’re alone, I was afraid we’d never get to be alone anymore. We can talk about … different … things when we’re alone. Over.”

“El ... I’m sorry.”

_What could you be sorry for?_

“I’m so sorry,” Mike said with a hint of sadness in his voice. Or was that regret?

_Oh no … wait._

“El I should have said this in person, it’s not right over the radio,” Mike continued sounding like he was apologizing.

_Please don’t … Mike please._

“But I guess I have no choice now, can’t wait until Thanksgiving.”

_Just say it Mike, you don’t lo …_

El heard him take a deep breath over the radio. “I love you El, I’ve loved you forever. Sometimes, I feel like I loved you before we ever even met. I’m sorry I was frozen the other day … I just .. I just panicked, and then we didn’t have a moment alone again … until now. Over.”

El’s sense of full relief swept over her like a tidal wave. She had never felt this completely relaxed and at peace in her entire life. When she reunited with Mike a year ago, the threat of the Upside Down hung over the entire event. When she had confessed to opening the gate at the quarry and he had accepted her, Will’s disappearance was never far from their minds. But now she could simply sit and bask in the warm glow of Mike’s love. Mrs. Byers had been right, this would have been better in person, but she would take this over almost anything else.

“Mike … I’ve loved you for so long, oh Mike, I’m sorry I waited until the last day … I was … scared … that when you didn’t say it again, but … Let’s not worry about that now. Over/”

“No … let’s not worry about that. I love you, oh my god it feels so good to just say that.” Mike continued and El let him just talk. She loved listening to him. Whenever he’d say ‘Over’ giving her back the chance to respond she would usually just answer ‘Yeah, Over’ so he could continue telling her all the ways that he has loved her. After about 10 minutes Mike suddenly remembered.

“El, oh I’m sorry, I was so nervous, I forgot … How did the test go? Over,” he asked.

“Oh Mike, I did it, seventh. They wanted to put me in sixth, but I convinced them that I could do it. Over.” El answered.

“That’s great, and you know any help you need, I’m right here. I’ll be here every single day. And you’re going to do great. Over.”

“Thanks, Mike, I love you. Over.”

“I love you too, El. Over.”


	5. Hatchets, on the burying of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike and Max have a heart to heart.

April 26th, 1986

Mike loitered across the street from Max’s house for almost 10 minutes, pacing between two large trees. He was telling himself that he was just trying to get his thoughts in order, but in reality he was nervous … perhaps a bit scared. Max had stopped calling El. After the snows had stopped, Mike, Dustin and Lucas had rebuilt Cerebro, but Max was curiously missing and she never attended their group radio calls. El had even taken the time to send Max a letter, but El never received a response. El had asked Mike to find out why. Mike didn’t think his girlfriend had a real understanding of the rift that existed between himself and Max. The last one on one conversation they had had was just before El had returned. Max had tried to reach out to him and, in his grief over El’s disappearance, he had rejected her kindness. Their relationship had never recovered and the rift had only increased last summer.

Mike knew how important it was for El to hear from all her friends, being separated from everyone but Will by so many miles. And he also knew it was important for him to get along with El’s only female friend and his best friend’s girlfriend. He had to do this right, or it could backfire spectacularly. He didn’t want to admit it, but he and Max shared at least one personality trait, they both tended to be maybe a little too hot headed for their own good.

_ Ok Mike, you can do this, no matter what happens, just keep your cool. This is for El. Don’t let Max wind you up. And don’t wind her up. And don't let her let you wind her up. And … ok stop delaying, you can do this. _

He walked across the street, up the walkway and before he could ring the bell, Max opened the door. The door was opened just wide enough for her to block Mike’s view of the inside of the house.

“Hey Mike,” Max, arms folded, greeted Mike with a hint of …

_ Sadness? No, that’s not it.  _ But she seemed unlike herself.

“Hey,” Mike returned. He didn’t exactly know how to start this conversation, despite thinking for so long on it.

“What is it about me that inspires stalking?” Max asked, her face returning to the typical hardness she often presented to Mike, or pretty much anyone but Lucas and El.

_ There’s the sarcasm.  _ “Sorry I ... Max, do you think we could talk … in private?” Mike asked, gesturing with a thumbs up, pointing back over his shoulder towards the street.

Max glanced behind her. Because she had answered the door before Mike rang the bell, her mother didn't realize anyone else was there. Max looked back at Mike and motioned with her chin towards the sidewalk. After reaching the sidewalk, Mike stopped for a second before realizing that Max was still walking. He caught up to her quickly. “Easier to avoid eavesdroppers if we keep moving and I don’t know exactly when Neil will be home,” she told him.

“Good thinking,” said Mike. He didn’t have a full picture of the man Neil was, but he saw what Billy was like even before he had been flayed. He imagined a middle-aged version and Lucas had said he wasn’t far off.

“So … this is about El?” Max guessed, correctly.

“Yeah, but … other things too…“ Mike paused and took a deep breath, hoping that Max didn’t hear him inhale. “I want to apologize," explained Mike.

"Really?" Max asked, sounding as if she didn’t believe what she was hearing. There was almost a chuckle in her voice.

"Look ... I know when you first got here, I wasn’t … Look, I was stupid and mean. I’m just sorry is all,” Mike continued, sounding and meaning to be contrite.

“It’s OK, it was a long time ago,” Max responded graciously.

“Not that long ago, and I never … I just thought maybe it had blown over and we could just forget about it. But sometimes I feel like we never got passed it and I ...”

“You know that’s not why I told El to… “ Max interrupted. “I really thought you were just being shitty.”

“I was, but not to El, well I didn’t mean to … I’d never do anything-” Mike tried and failed to explain himself.

“I know Mike, I get it now.”

“It’s important to me that you know I’m sorry and … why,” Mike continued.

“Seriously, it’s ok, I don’t need to know anything else, I get it,” Max assured him.

“But you deserve to, and ... I think it’ll help you understand… what i really wanna talk about.”

“Oh … so this isn’t about apologizing?” Max teased.

“It can be about both! Come on, I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“Sorry, I’m teasing, see we’re friends now right? That’s why you’re here right? That’s what El wants?”

“Yeah, mostly, but just lemme get this out…” Mike took a deep breath as they rounded a corner. He started to take the lead thanks to his long legs and his innate knowledge of Hawkins. Having spent his entire life in the same town, he knew the roads almost instinctively. He didn’t want to do laps of Max’s neighborhood as suggesting they avoid Neil was probably one of the smartest things Mike had ever heard. And he had a better destination in mind.

“You gotta know … when Eleven disappeared, Will had never met her, and we ... Me and Dustin and Lucas, would tell him stories all the time. Like  **every** day we’d talk about her. And that sort of kept her alive … in here,“ he tapped his chest with the thumb of his right hand.

“You know I didn’t even have a picture,” he continued, “nothing to hold on to, but my own memories and ... And then from the moment Mr. Clarke introduced you, they never even said her name again … and it was like she was fading away. Like I was going to lose her all over again, and I couldn’t handle it. And on top of everything else, Dustin brings in a fucking demogorgon slug and Will was flipping out and terrified and nobody else was supposed to know, ya know, about the upside down. And then Dustin and Lucas were practically begging to tell you …” Mike stopped talking. He was starting to work himself up and thought it might be better to stop talking to gather himself.

**“** And then  **you** were the first one to even say her again and then I snapped at you again. I know it wasn’t fair. I couldn’t take it and I blamed you for just being around, I thought if maybe you weren’t around … I’d get that part of her back … And I wasn’t even mad at you, I was mad at Dustin and Lucas for moving on, which was stupid already, and then I blamed you for them and that was even stupider ...” His voice started to crack, he could feel his eyes misting.  _ Do NOT cry in front of her, pull it together. _

“... Mike,” Max said.

“Yeah?” he half answered, half questioned.

“It’s ok, it’s going to be ok … You can talk to her every day now, she’s ok … mostly. And yeah, that Dustin with the demogorgon thing was pretty stupid. What the hell was he thinking?”

“ **RIGHT?!** I mean he’s a smart guy, but jeez.”

“Yeah, like he KNEW about the upside down! I have an excuse for not realizing, because there’s no way I could have realized!”

“I mean, he’s like one of my best friends,” Mike said defending both himself and Dustin.

“Yeah, he’s great. Good guy.”

“And super smart.” Mike reminded her

“Soooo smart, great friend ... but yeah,” Max concluded.

They walked in silence for about a minute.  _ Is this working? Was that bonding?  _ It was kind of mean to tease Dustin behind his back. Mike felt a little bad.  _ I gotta give him a compliment next time I see him. _

“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about …” Mike continued.

“Not to Eleven?” Max asked.

“No … I just need to talk to someone, and she’s been through enough, I don’t want to burden her with this.” Mike explained.

“And Lucas? Dustin? Will?”

“It’s not something I really wanna talk to the guys about.” Mike sort of lied. Lucas and Will basically already knew most of what he was going to say, but he didn’t want to talk anymore about it with either of them. And he thought it might help them bond if he opened up to her about something private.

“And you can’t talk to Eleven?” She paused and Mike gave no answer. “…. It’s about Hopper, isn’t it?” Mike looked at the ground and nodded. “Eleven told me you said he wanted her to spend less time with you?”

“Yea … that’s the short version I guess … Look I was ... I couldn’t forgive him you know. … he couldn’t even just let me know somehow? That she was ok. Of course I would have wanted to see her, but Max I had no idea if she was even alive. But I could feel her, you know? I would try to contact her on the radio, and I could feel like she was sitting in the room.”

“She was, she told me,” Max explained.

“Yeah I know, but I didn’t know-know, right? Not until later. And I couldn’t handle it. It was driving me insane, it was killing me. And even when she came back … the anger about that didn’t go away and I held it against him … I didn’t want her to spend any time with him. And he wouldn't even let me kiss her and that just made me resent him even more. Like, he kept us apart for a year, let me suffer thinking she was dead … and then, every time he caught us he'd yell…"

"Three inches? I heard… when I was over there. He thought I was you." She gave a small shudder. "I'd rather not think what he would've done had it been you. I think he'd been drinking.” 

"So you understand?" asked Mike

Max gave him a slight nod.

"Anyway he was constantly trying to insert himself in between us. Even after that year so I was constantly giving him grief, badmouthing him to Eleven. And she would giggle and make fun of him too… And that just encouraged me.”

Max raised a single eyebrow at Mike, a look Mike took to mean ‘Seriously?’

“No no no, I’m not blaming her, just, all I want is to make her happy. And when she laughs … it's the greatest thing in the world to me and if I’m making her laugh … I can't help myself.” Mike explained.

“… Is this what you wanted to talk about? Making fun of El’s dead dad?”

“Sorry … just background … anyway, so I was being an ass to Hopper, and the night before .. you-know-what happened, he told me my grandmother was sick and I had to hurry home… I thought she was dying and when I got in the car, he told me it was a lie … locked me in … told me I had to do exactly what he told me to do, or he wouldn’t let me see Eleven anymore.”

“And you can’t lose her again. What did he tell you you had to do?” asked Max.

“I don’t remember everything now, but I couldn’t come over if he wasn’t going to be there, I had to ask him any time I wanted to see her. And that I had to keep the whole thing between us, not tell El or he wouldn't let me see her at all. There was probably more, but I can’t remember now, I probably didn’t remember much else five minutes after it happened. Anyway, that next day, he was working and I had already told El I was coming over, so I had to come up with an excuse and I panicked and just repeated the lie Hopper told. And I guess he had already told El my grandmother was fine and … I was just trapped. I should have come clean right then but I couldn’t get his voice out of my head ‘Maybe I will allow you to continue dating my daughter’ … and if I told her the truth and Hopper found out he’d ban me from the house but if I continued the stupid lie I thought maybe things could calm down and I could explain later…”

Suddenly, Mike realized that Max wasn’t walking next to him. She had stopped a few feet behind him. He turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“That plan didn’t work out …” Max said, with an expression on her face Mike had never seen before. “I’m sorry Mike."

“Really?” Mike asked, more than a little perplexed.

“I should have figured it out when he burst into her room shouting about 3 inches,” Max explained. “I knew he thought you were in the room with her, and he was so mad. I should have realized… He threatened you?”

“Yeah … I mean … he told me he’d show me the crazy … but … telling me I wouldn’t be able to see El, was worse than a physical threat … I’d rather he just punched me in the gut and moved on.”

“You should have just told her …” said Max, stating the now obvious.

“I know that now, but … Look, when you are in the middle of it, Max, you can’t think straight, you don't see what it looks like from the outside. Now looking back, I can’t imagine what Eleven was thinking, what I would have thought if the opposite was happening,” said Mike, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I know, I get it now. But you can't tell Eleven this?” asked Max.

“She knows enough, Hopper wanted me to stay away, but I can’t tell her the rest … let her have her memories … I feel like if I told her the entire truth, it wouldn’t be for her, or to be honest, it would be for me, like to relieve some guilt or something. She’s never brought it up, those few days, but if she ever asks, I’ll tell her anything, everything, but … there’s no reason to go back into it unless she wants to," Mike explained.

“I guess that makes sense… Do you have any idea where we are?” Max sounded a bit nervous.

Mike chuckled, “Yeah don’t worry. I’ve lived here all my life,” he explained, trying not to sound too much like a know it all.

They continued on in silence, enjoying the weather on a nice spring day.

“Mike … will I ever stop thinking about it?” Max interrupted their silence after a few minutes.

“Thinking about what?” asked Mike, but he had a feeling he knew what she was going to ask.

“Could we have done something differently? Could I have stopped it? Could we have saved him?” Max asked, not waiting for the answers as she rattled off the questions.

She didn’t say who she was referring to, but Mike knew.

“I don't know,” Mike answered. “I mean, with El, I never stopped second guessing everything that I had done. I put her at risk more than once trying to save Will... Talking about her helped me deal with it but … I never stopped thinking I had failed her. The only thing that stopped that was when she came back. That I knew she was safe, whole …”

“But could we have saved him?” Max asked, her voice sounding almost desperate.

“If the gate closed with it still inside him … we don’t know but he probably would have died anyway.” Mike said, realizing that didn’t sound very comforting only after he had finished talking.

“But at the sauna, what if he could have gotten him out of Billy at the sauna…If I hadn’t been standing there ... when he broke the glass…”

“Max, no.”

“But if I wasn’t there when he broke the glass, maybe Lucas could have hit him with the slingshot, knocked him back…” Max continued, her brain working overtime like it was trying to solve a riddle.

“No, Max,” Mike said more forcefully, “it wasn’t your fault, it’s not any of our faults, it’s not even his fault, he had no choice. That thing did the same to Will and so many others.”

“I don’t even know why I feel like this. With El, you were … well she was at least your friend if not more, but Billy… He was terrible to me, until …”

“You almost castrated him,” Mike said knowing that he probably didn’t need to actually remind her.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have to threaten someone into just being decent. But I still can’t stop thinking about what we should .. could have done differently.”

“We did everything we could. We barely made it out with our own lives. Look, you should probably talk to someone with a bit more experience than me but … I mean I know we all really just have each other. If we told anyone not involved about any of this … they’d throw us into Penhurst,” Mike explained.

“Yeah … I’ve thought about telling my mom. Now I get it … you just can’t tell anyone.” Max said sadly.

“Well, if you ever want to talk about it again and you don’t want to talk to Lucas about it, I’m always here … And I understand, Max, I do,” Mike said reassuringly.

“Thanks, Wheeler,” Max said with only the tiniest hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“Is this why you haven’t talked to El since Christmas?” Mike finally got to the point of the conversation almost 30 minutes after walking up to Max’s front door.

Max sighed. “I don’t want her to think I blame her… and I’m afraid if I talk to her I’ll say something stupid…”

“Max, she understands … She's said similar things to me before.”

“Really?” Max asked

“Yeah … that she thinks about what if she could have saved them, all of them, not just Billy. She has a bit of a hero … “ he almost said ‘complex’ but didn’t want to make El’s selflessness and bravery sound like a negative, even though it never stopped causing Mike a great deal of anxiety. “Well she’s a hero you know that.”

“Yeah …” Max answered.

“We’re here.” Mike had slowly led her to the base of Weathertop. They just had to climb the hill and they’d be at the radio transceiver. He hadn’t believed his luck when she suggested they start walking.

There at the top of the hill was Dustin and Lucas. Dustin must have been talking to Suzie, it was his hour on the radio, but it would be up soon. Lucas had told Mike he’d be there for the start of his radio call with El, it had been a few weeks and he’d wanted to say hello. The pair waved excitedly down the hill when they noticed Mike and Max start on their way up.

“Well played Wheeler.” said Max, sounding impressed.

“It really means a lot to her Max. Are you up for it?” Mike asked.

“Yeah,” answered Max, giving him a small smile. “I really think I am.”


End file.
